Dealing with difficult emotions

We all will experience challenging emotions at some point in our lives. It’s simply a result of living and being human. There is nothing wrong with these emotions. They can even bring us deep insight into our personal truths, desires and needs. However, we’re not always well equipped to deal with them. Societally, many emotions are seen as (too) difficult or uncomfortable, sometimes leading us to repress our feeling rather than looking at them directly.

What to do if you feel emotional

Have you ever been told to ‘stay strong’, ‘keep your chin up’, not to worry about it, not to think about it, or just not to be so sensitive? It’s usually very wellmeaning advice, but not always the most helpful.

What if instead, we learned to see our emotions as valuable messengers that either have something important to tell us about our needs, pains or values? What if we were able to caretake our emotions and soothe ourselves like we might an upset child? We might find, in doing so, that we uncover deeper inner truths, and that we also have less of a need to run away and ‘numb’ whenever we’re feeling something more difficult.

So what can we do in an emotional moment?

Take distance

First, take a moment to be with yourself. In some situations that might be easy, but you might also need to excuse yourself for a moment, step outside, or find a quiet spot. It could even mean taking a moment to yourself in the bathroom, if that’s the only space you can find privacy.

Breathe through the feeling

Secondly, take a few deeper and calming breaths, and start to connect with your body and with the feelings and sensations in your body. Be open and curious about what you’re experiencing. Is there a tightness in your chest, a pit in your stomach? Are you feeling anxious, with your heart rate going quicker than normal? Rather than trying to escape these feelings, try to stay with them, while continuing to take those deep, slow breaths.

Reflect on your emotion

Thirdly, as you start to calm down in your body, begin to reflect on what caused this emotion within you. Was it something very specific that happened during your day, or in conversation with someone? Is it a deeper, longerstanding feeling? Perhaps it was a small thing that triggered a deeper hurt from your past?

Practice holding yourself and your emotional experience in a compassionate and loving state, like you might with a close friend or a child. You could place a hand on your heart, and maybe a hand on your belly as you keep taking deep belly breaths. Know that there’s nothing wrong or shameful in experiencing what you’re experiencing, and hold yourself in a loving state.

Learn what you need

Lastly, you can ask yourself, or ask the emotion, whether it has a message of you. Maybe there’s a deeper need or desire underneath it. For example, if you’re feeling upset with someone, do you need to express a desire for more quality time together? If you’re angry, is there a boundary that has been crossed? Or a place where you might need to stand up for yourself? If you’re sad, do you need more time and space to simply grieve your loss, rather than pushing through?

Whatever comes up in terms of needs, make a commitment to yourself to honour those needs and take action on them in your daily life.

Remember that there’s nothing shameful and nothing wrong with experiencing emotions. We all do. It’s time to release any stigma and be kind and compassionate with ourselves and others.

Dive deeper into your emotions

For more information on dealing with emotions as well as deep dives into 8 specific emotions, check out Rose’s new program on Ekhart Yoga. First want to get to know Rose and learn more about the program? You can find the introduction to the program on YouTube.

Rose is a psychologist, yoga and meditation teacher, and holistic nutritionist. For more personal, 1 to 1 attention to your needs and healing, check out online coaching with Rose at https://www.rose-elisabeth.com/

On the photo, she is wearing our Karuna Om Yoga Longsleeve in the colour Sand, combined with the Agni Loose Fit Yoga Pants in Urban Black.

A longer version of this article first appeared on Ekhart Yoga.